An Album by Emile Smith
A private listening experience · alternative rock
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“Sometimes you survive
not to be saved,
but to tell the story.”
The Songs
I used to know exactly who I was, or at least I thought I did. I was proud, successful, standing tall in my own life — and then tragedy came through and changed the way the world looked at me, while some part of me was still trying to walk around like the old king was intact. This is about finally coming home to yourself, seeing the wreckage honestly, and asking the hard question: who am I now?
This comes from being broken, lost, alone, and buried so deep inside yourself that even your own body feels far away. It’s about crawling through the dark after losing pieces of who you were, trying to reach back toward life, toward strength, toward anything that proves you’re not finished yet.
I’ve spent a lot of time living in the past, or trying to predict the future before it kills me, but this is about forcing myself into the present. Love, death, fear, light, breath — all of it only exists right here, and sometimes the hardest thing is just staying in the moment long enough to feel it.
This is a strange, dark little piece of my life turned into a song — being accused, judged, misunderstood, and then eventually acquitted. It’s about the absurdity and fear of having people decide what you are before they know the truth, and the desperate need to be seen as human before the story gets written for you.
This is about disappearing from your own life after too much loss and sorrow. People can come looking for you, needing you or trying to help you, but some part of you is already gone, unreachable, not home. It’s the pain of not being there for others because you can barely find yourself.
This is pure frustration at the world — everyone pissed off, everyone judging, everyone pretending they know who they are and who everyone else is. It’s angry, tired, sarcastic, and a little heartbroken, because beneath all the noise, most people are just scared, wounded, and trying not to be seen falling apart.
Vinyl Booklet
Lyrics are presented as written. Minor phrasing, timing, or repetition may vary in the recorded performances.
Verse shallow shoals and wasted coals my hero gravity in place of time its zero Pre Chorus thinking thats a waste of time playing with tomorrows dime crimson tides and tapestry placed down in history Chorus Who am I standing around Who am I wandering round town Who am I looking like a king Who am I with nothing left to bring Verse looking in the mirror I see tomorrow there goes more of me inside I'm hollow Pre Chorus looking for places to believe dying for my own reprieve writing with my mind its decree digging in to my travesty Chorus Who am I standing around Who am I prancing round town Who am I looking like a king Who am I the jester in a ring Bridge long ago singing staccato playin favors with much bravado A silhouette of all I borrow A shredded king on a paper grotto Verse wandering down my only road I follow precious thoughts and memories desperado Pre Chorus Standing in my own way looking for a place to decay crazy stance and rhymes divine what to do please give me sign Chorus Who am I standing around Who am I stammering round town Who am I looking like a king Who am I here’s my reckoning
Verse Who am I walking places at night? Here we go down that street all right People sites and sounds to see Why is everybody looking at me? Pre Chorus ohhh ahhh here come the shakes at night ohhh ahhh I never feel alight ohhh ahhh My body melts away ohhh ahhh Legs dont work but I feel ok Chorus Way back in my legacy playing off my misery Down in a hole way down below Reckless thoughts a Symphony Heavenly creatures, rage, and seethe Down in a hole way down below Verse Here we go far and wide Lady Godiva is deep inside Looking round at the world to see What’s left is a tragedy Pre Chorus ohhh ahhh cant find my way I roam ohhh ahhh deep in plight I try to atone ohhh ahhh the fires blaze at home ohhh ahhh reckless quakes and catacombs Chorus lady fingers light on my skin delicate quivers with feathers so thin Down in a hole way down below Cotton candy light on my tongue Delicious whispers dreams undone Down in a hole way down below Bridge What is this deep inside of me? laid out like a run on plea crazy torturous murderous plight torrid creatures unruly fright HEY! Verse Hey who's that calling my name look over there what an utter shame mind over matter thats the name of the game systemic headaches it's all the same Pre Chorus ohhh ahhh no friendly hand in sight ohhh ahhh a shadow steps in light ohhh ahhh a question of authority ohhh ahhh crashing down on my sanity Chorus No one can hear what we already know Burying secrets that are too shallow Down in a hole way down below Trade the sun for the weight of the night. Speak to the dirt and go into the light Down in a hole way down below
Verse Standin by simple place with no way to erase Sideways in state no way its all hate Verse And who, do I know that can be alone And who, do I wait on and feel at home Pre chorus Hip shot tri fast playing loose playing fast flip out far away pass out No Way Chorus How and when a simple place tonight How and when by fire-light Verse Sitin down cant feel or shout numbness crawls im wiggin out stalkers crawl what came in late to much time is on my plate Verse And why, do I feel like a cryin stone And why, do I sit here and piss and moan Pre chorus peace and love war and hate crashin down lovely gate minds eye slips away creatin' a dream that'll just decay Chorus Then and there numbness crawls at night Then and there by candle-light Bridge Drifting waiting floating pacing Verse across my face lines shake what’s goin on not much at stake pleasure dome with no home feelin out and alone Verse And when, can i take off and fly again And when, will I be so high how and when Pre chorus criminal trash crowds thrash primal fate lets cultivate felling low felling slow one more breath to bellow Chorus Here and now no home in sight Here and now finally sun-light Chorus Here and now Give me love tonight Here and now It finally feels so right
Verse poppers on the curb investigate today car alarms blare in their heyday Some drunken man he goes in the can Singing to people he has no plan Pre Chorus Cloudy time and cloudy wine its no time to unwind Clever boys and Cleverer girls big bucket plans with no toys Verse Don't remember anything I cannot see Cant place a thing even on TV Kickin' off sand so grand Lickin' off wounds and tryin again Pre Chorus Yelling out loud to take my blood I'm ignored and not understood Cold on the floor No blanket to share Take my shoelaces I just don't care Chorus Hey Mr Policeman what do you say Hey mr Policeman you doing okay Hey Mr Policeman what what do you see Hey Mr Policeman won't you please set me free Bridge People come and People dance People in a reckless trance Simon says and Simon knows Simon is full of woes Bridge In and out and out and in People are full of sin Situations understood misinform I really would Verse People in the sky lookin down at the ground they don't know why its so damn round Circles fit in squares like dogs at the pound Politics have never been so unsound Pre Chorus Please understand I'm not this way There’s no chance to par lay Peoples stance and peoples trance They just want to romance Chorus Hey Mr Policeman what do you say Hey mr Policeman you doing okay Hey Mr Policeman what what do you see Hey Mr Policeman won't you please set me free
Verse Lollipops and Cigarettes Candy that you did not vet a message from the promised land it says down deep you'll understand Pre Chorus Swallowing pride with no grace into that, inevitable place Sinking fast, with no grace Drawing away from the human race Chorus I'm not home So leave a message at the tone say your peace help me set my mind at ease Verse Here and now, far and wide Jumping in at low tide Far and away, low end pride Steamroll through too damn tried Pre Chorus Lovers lane and the shadows crawl desperation to enthrall Forgetting who is in your face Undeniable incredible pace Chorus I'm not home So leave a message at the tone say your peace help me set my mind at ease Bridge Whispers in Whispers out whispers that you scream and shout Hazy days and hazy nights Lazy ways internal strife Verse Whiplash a big crash too much time sinking cash Whisky and wine seem so fine but drying out takes a lot of time Pre Chorus Low class and low space a shallow soul with no base Waterfalls out of sand Natures thrall can be so bland Chorus I'm not home So leave a message at the tone say your peace help me set my mind at ease
Verse Goddamn People don't care what they say Goddamn People gonna do it anyway Funky people don't give another thought Funky people don't do what their taught Pre Chorus and then... Walkin' pavement feeling' alone Shuffling forward in the great unknown Yellow coats in sodium glow Hollow men in a shadow show Verse People doing their walkie walk People doin their talky talk Shiny people gonna shine away Shiny people gonna be ok Pre Chorus and then... Wash away that passion face flock away from the deadpool race Late night hum, flicker and glow a choir sings in a neon show Chorus Goddamn people look but don't see Everybody selling sympathy shiny souls in a magazine Classic hope is a broken dream Verse Country folk don't be very woke Country folk don't take no joke City folk never get redeemed City folk follow the same routine Pre Chorus and then... Jagged lines and ragged clothes Sugga wafers in the crispy cold A hobo prophet lays his sign on the curb Don't pretend that you aren't perturbed Chorus Goddamn people with a vultures toast broken youth gonna give up the ghost Say my name like a punchline joke Everybody is all just smoke
Liner Notes
This album began after I lost the person I thought I was.
A plane crash, years of surgeries, chronic pain, and a long recovery changed almost every part of my life. I went from feeling capable, independent, and confident to rebuilding everything from the ground up. Some things came back. Others didn’t.
I didn’t set out to write a concept album.
I wrote songs because there were things I couldn’t explain any other way.
Some are angry. Some are sarcastic. Some are hopeful. Some don’t even know what they are yet.
Together, they became Flight Risqué.
Who am I now?
Not who I was before the accident. Not the version people remember. Not the person pretending everything is okay. Just the one still standing after everything else has fallen away.
Who Am I opens the album with that question.
Down in a Hole is what it feels like to lose yourself and start climbing back.
Here and Now is about learning to stop living in yesterday—or worrying about tomorrow—and finding whatever life exists in this moment.
Mr. Policeman comes from being judged before anyone knew the truth, and what it takes to walk away from that without letting it define you.
I’m Not Home is about disappearing from your own life after too much loss, when people keep reaching for you but there’s nobody left to answer.
Goddamn People closes the record with frustration, exhaustion, and the realization that most of us are carrying more than we let anyone see.
This isn’t an album about winning. It’s about surviving long enough to become someone new.
If you’ve lived through trauma, addiction, illness, grief, failure, or the feeling that life split into a before and an after, you’ll probably recognize something here.
These songs don’t try to tie everything up neatly. Life rarely does.
Musically, Flight Risqué moves between heavy alternative rock, quieter moments of reflection, and songs that feel almost cinematic in the way they build and release tension.
The lyrics weren’t written to sound polished. They were written to be honest. Sometimes that honesty is messy. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. That’s what makes it real.
More than anything, this record is about finding your way back to yourself. Not the person you used to be. The person you become after surviving.
“Sometimes you survive not to be saved, but to tell the story.”
Emile Smith
Los Angeles, California
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